Couples & Marriage Counseling
Relationships are confusing.
If you are looking for couples counseling or marriage counseling chances are you know this to be true. Whether you want to talk about a recent fight, disagreement, or just check in, I can help your relationship find some clarity so that you both can feel loved and respected.
Often times we get into a familiar pattern with our partner, but we don’t know how to get out of it or even what exactly is going on. That is where I come in. I give each person time and space to speak and be heard. This allows each person to not only tell their side of the story but also share the feelings and beliefs connected to the story. These feelings and beliefs are sometimes the very thing that we somehow can’t get out in a normal conversation with our partner, let alone in the midst of a fight.
In my office I help slow things down.
I do this so that when something triggers us (i.e. a fear, a deep wound, a painful memory, an unkind word, etc.…) we have the ability to notice it, identify it, and talk it out. You will learn these skills so that you and your partner can know yourselves and each other more fully. This knowledge will bring increased connectivity between you two and a greater understanding of your story together.
The skills I have to offer you are only part of what it takes for marriage counseling to be truly successful. M. Scott Peck, outlines in his book The Road Less Travelled, that what you need to bring is Courage and a commitment to Hard Work. I wish I could say this is going to be easy but relationships are hard work. The good news is that as long as you have a willing heart and an open mind you have everything you need to make your relationship work. And even if you or your partner don’t, once we start being honest and vulnerable a hard heart can soften and a closed mind can open.
It is my belief that all humans strive and grow towards goodness and wholeness.
With this truth as the basis for my approach to therapy, I offer your relationship all that I am. There are some counselors who don’t understand that their ability to be honest has an effect on how honest the couple will be. I have done a lot of work in my own life and there is definitely more to do, but I offer you all that I have accomplished, discovered, and been blessed with.
Some people choose to get a divorce. Many people have very painful divorce experiences. But this does not have to be the case. I agree with the idea that, “what God has joined, let no one separate”. But I also agree that, “God works all things for the good”. Perhaps instead of thinking of divorce as a separation we can look at it simply as an evolution. A divorce can simply be a restructuring of a love relationship. A healthy divorce is a thoughtful process that lasts a lifetime. It is not pain free, but not even a healthy marriage is pain free. My hope though is that your relationship will continue, “till death do you part”. It is a solemn thing we have committed ourselves to, for marriage ends one way or the other.
Also, you can take or leave the “Christian” language I am using to talk about marriage.
I want to help you and your partner find what is best for you. I do not have a hidden agenda. I have every hope and reason to believe that you and your partner can live happily ever after. Not in the fairy tale way, but in the meaningful day-to-day way, where you chose to love each other unconditionally; even if you make mistakes along the way. Responsibility and Forgiveness are our greatest teachers in marriage counseling. Join me in learning from them and we can laugh while we stumble along the way.