As an athlete I learned that anticipation was vital.
And I was good at it.
But somewhere along the way I just stopped.
Somewhere in High School I think,. I just moved on to Theatre.
In Theatre I learned that enunciation was vital.
And I was good at it.
But somewhere along the way I just stopped.
Somewhere in College I think. I just moved on to academics, finally.
And as an academic I learned that questions were vital.
And I was good at questions.
But somewhere along the way I just stopped. I just moved on to working.
And as a worker I learned that devotion was vital.
And I was good at it.
But somewhere along the way I just stopped.
Somewhere when the man I took care of died and his wife was taken out of my care.
I just moved on and got married.
And as a married man I learned that hurting is vital.
But I don’t like hurting and I don’t like hurting others.
I like anticipation and enunciation and questions and devotion, I can do those things.
I am good at those things.
But hurting….well it hurts. And I see it in her eyes, and I feel it in my own.
And I don’t know if it ever stops.
But I can’t just move on to the next thing, the next stage or act or scene.
I am stuck hurting. I am stuck.
This isn’t a game. This isn’t a show. This is not an idea. This is not a job.
This is real life!
This is “Oh my God I can’t believe she is going to be a bitch right now”.
This is “Oh my God I can’t believe what an ass hole I am”.
You cannot anticipate this.
You cannot enunciate your way into clarity.
You cannot ask the right questions.
And you cannot devote yourself enough.
You will just hurt. And that is life.
So get used to it.
Learn to appreciate it.
Learn to adore it.
Learn to listen to it.
Learn to love for once in your God damn life!