Oh to be young again!
I remember the days when I would fall asleep in my bed afraid of the dark.
I remember sitting in detention because my parents couldn’t get me to school on time.
I remember the tragic realization that my older sister would never be able to catch me in a game of tag ever again, that we were not equal.
I remember my dad asking me why I didn’t want to ride the Ferris-wheel with my friends, and not wanting to tell him that I was scared, and feeling ashamed by that, and feeling angry that he didn’t know. My father knew so much back then.
I remember hiding the truth, hiding my feelings, my actions, my words, hiding my face.
I remember one Christmas I wanted a bicycle that looked like a motorcycle.
I knew that my parents would give it to me.
And finally after all the other gifts were open there was this one huge box left over but my parents said it was my sisters.
I thought that maybe it was a joke and that my sister would unwrap it and it would be my bicycle. So I watched intently as she unwrapped it. I remember looking at that box with the television inside and accepting the fact that I don’t get everything that I want, that I am not a creature whose wishes are always granted, that it’s important to be humble, and be happy with what I get and happy with what I don’t get.
I grew up in that small moment into the person who I want to be.
But then my dad asked me what was that thing over there…I saw the bicycle and ran over to it.
It was the one I wanted!
There is a part of me that wishes they had not given me the bicycle.
Who says you should always give your children what they want for Christmas?
Maybe we should try to give them what they need.
Maybe we should try to understand them.
Maybe we should give them what their future self wants.
On the other hand though there is so much pain in someone’s life maybe getting a surprise bicycle that looks like a motorcycle is a good thing…even if they don’t need it…even if their future self is a dick and resents his parents for everything they didn’t give him and everything they did give him.
Oh to be young again!
Oh to be empty
Oh to be given the world
Oh to be human… over, and over, and over again.
Oh to get what you need and then get what you want and not know the difference.